ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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