Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
The Olympian is in my bed
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
