No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
