Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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