after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize