she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
