Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
