Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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