I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
