I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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