I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
