The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
