naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
