tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
