is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
