Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
