yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
