She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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