I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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