Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
