oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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