I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
