yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
