you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
