No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize