Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
