The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize