you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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