I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
