tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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