my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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