I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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