I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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