foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
