oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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