Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize