Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Randomize
