I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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