I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Randomize
