so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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