do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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