Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
