Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
