it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
