not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
