I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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