im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
