is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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