OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
