He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
