I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
