i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
