but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
