Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
