last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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