Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i will never coherently bang her
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
