New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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