Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
