I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
