Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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