Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
