i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
