i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
