Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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