she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
