you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize