Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
