I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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