Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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