We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
