Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
