No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
