I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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