Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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