i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
