I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
