we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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