my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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