I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Floor bacon is actually really good
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
