I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
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