He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
