I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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