ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
