Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
