some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
