every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
