my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
