I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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