My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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