Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
