Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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