YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
