i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
