If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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