you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
